I've been gaining so much weight lately( and no I'm not pregnant ha ha.. that friend has come to see me this month and she let me know I'm not(Desperate Housewives anybody??)). I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I'm not happy about. I just can't seem to find the motivation.. I've hung up my "skinny(size 12)" jeans in the closet.. wrote my "I will not eat again" oath that I've broken of course.. ummm my latest thing is thinking that I'll only be able to loose weight if I get a deep freezer and fill it with lean cuisines... I'm planning on doing a reasonable breakfast and having a lean cuisine for lunch and one for dinner... for a few months until some weight comes off and then going from there.. but I don't have that deep freezer yet... I'm sure its the answer.. ha ha.. I'll have to publish my new fad diet.. "the deep freezer diet..." its gonna be cheaper than nutrisystem and Jenny Craig.. Walmart sells lean cuisines for like $2.50 I think and Nutrisystem is $10 a day and Jenny Craig is worse! oh but then you have to add in the deep freezer unless you wanna go to walmart all the time for the lean cuisine... Well if anybody wants to jump on this train with me when I get it going.. let me know and we can be "deep freezer" buddies and track our progress or lack there of.
I do wish I viewed myself in a different way but its just not the case. I actually just want my body to be healthy and at least back to my 12 or so... I feel like I'm not being unrealistic... Last time I was on Weight Watchers.. I got down to 160 lbs... about 2 years ago, and I'm not really sure I could eat for a person who weighed less than 160. Up until that point I felt at least satisfied but when I was trying to keep it off.. I just felt like I was giving up everything and felt so deprived. Its probably a spiritual thing I need to work on.. because I'm addicted to food. I've heard of ministries that deal with this sort of thing.. well addictions in general... drug, alcohol, porn, food.. and other stuff probably.. those are just the ones that come to mind. I'm curious about it...
Anyways... not to sound harsh or something but I'm just thinking... I know that some people are happy with their bodies the way they are. And that's great!... but I also know that's rare. I also know that I can look at somebody through my eyes and not see a thing wrong with them, but it doesn't change they way they feel about themselves. When people tell me I'm not fat.. that's not what I want to hear at all.... I'm not sure what I want to hear but that's definitely not what I want to hear. Maybe I'm mean for not accepting "compliments." When I hear a size 0 girl say she's got a belly.. I'm like.. "well.. I don't see it but I'm sure you see it .. so do some sit ups girl".. ha ha...(First of all, I'm not gonna tell her she's not fat... she either thinks she is and I can't change it or she's fishing for a compliment and I don't bite that kinda bate) It doesn't mean I agree with them that they are fat but I respect that they have insecurities just like me. You know, if its not fat, its teeth... if its not teeth its Acne.. if its not physical its mental insecurities, or social insecurities... it just so happens I have a little of all of them.. ha ha.. I usually just get over them and make fun of myself... That's fine with me. That's how I deal with them, at least I acknowledge them, cuz some people don't... When you don't acknowledge your insecurities.. that's when you get offended when other people acknowledge them for you...Deep thoughts..
Maybe I want people to agree with me.. "yeah Sarah you are fat.. do some sit ups girl and get your deep freezer!" ha ha.. I don't leave any room for comments on this one did I.. I hope I get all comments just like that too.. just copy and paste it.. I'll be cracking up so bad! it would be awesome!
Really though.. I'd love to get input on insecurities.. this could be free online counseling session... lets hear it... what are your insecurities or insecurities you think you might have(get iy out in the open if you want). Or What's your take on them? Am I going about it all wrong? Am I being insensitive about the issue(because my social filter might be off)? I'm curious